I think I’ve recently reached a new low. Not because everything’s going wrong, but because I’m (for the most part) finally doing all the things that I thought would make me happy in the general sense, and I’m still not. If I don’t know how to make myself feel like a whole human being, then how can I ever be happy? Sure, there’ll always be slow grins and uncontrollable laughter, but what about something that lasts? Something that’s honestly true?
I think that’s why I’m basically always in a relationship, and have been since I was 12. Because I can’t really handle these feelings unless I can blame them on someone else, and even then I don’t really have to acknowledge that they even exist. Now that I’m single it’s starting to hit me how bad things really are… And it seriously freaks me out.
Check out the fabulous work of Norman Cavazzana
“I have this strange feeling that I’m not myself anymore. It’s hard to put into words, but I guess it’s like I was fast asleep, and someone came, disassembled me, and hurriedly put me back together again.”
— Sputnik Sweetheart, Haruki Murakami